I recently had my wallet stolen.
I vehemently refuse to say that I lost it because I did NOT! It all began when a creepy (okay she wasn’t creepy per say, but I’m being judgemental) old chinese lady asked me for some changes.
“Excuse me, do you haf a two fifty fo me to go on da bus?” she asked me, her incredibly round eyes staring, hypnotizing me. Hypnotizing being the operative word here.
Nora, who was with me at the time, shook her head. But me, being the constant and obviously sweet person that I am just HAD to grab my wallet from inside the hole of nothingness that is my bag (it’s really hard to look for stuff in there, so dark) and wave it around in front of her face like it’s some invaluable piece of used tissue.
I took out my brown travel ten ticket and said, “Oh, I use this… so maybe I don’t have any change.” The lady thanked me and took several steps back without going out of our sight. She was still there, round eyes and all.
See if I stop there, I would have still had my wallet! My ATM card, flybuys, swipe card and a cute picure of my little sister Maura– everything would still be in my posession. But NO, the sickeningly sweet half of myself, decided to look through my wallet for some changes, much to the dissaprovement of the bitchy half of myself.
“Oh! Here you go!” I exclaimed, dropping a 2 dollar coin to her little hands.
“Ooooh-oohhh, thank you, thank you very very much,” she replied, almost in a maniacal glee (again, being judgemental).
From this point on, everything became a blur. If my memory serves me right (obviously it doesn’t because now you are lacking a wallet), I recalled my hands putting the wallet back inside my back. Here, there could be two possibilities:
- I could have stupidly thought that I put my wallet IN to my bag where in reality, I slipped it through the handles of my bags and dropped it on the ground.
- While the old lady was saying thank you, she too was hypnotizing me with her round round eyes and grabbed my wallet while I was giving her the two dollar coin.
Possibility number 1. should be eliminated because there is no logical way that I could be as idiotic as that. My wallet is big and chunky, Tizka knows this best because she likes to ‘clean’ my wallet by throwing out all the receipts and bus tickets that I kept inside. So, even if I had dropped it on the ground, I would have felt a ‘thump‘ near my foot.
Afterwards, I sat on a bench, looking direcly at the place we stood before. So If I had dropped my wallet there, I would have seen it. Or that would just make me and Nora, two loonies sitting on a bench waiting for the bus, staring at the wallet I dropped but for some reason didn’t feel like picking it up.
So, that left me with possibility number 2. People are hypnotized all the time in Indonesia, hell, my maids were hypnotized into taking all the mobile phones and jewellries in my house. But according to this and a CSI episode that I saw a day after (how bloody ironic), hypnotization is impossible if the person does not want to be hypnotized. Well I BEG TO DIFFER.
I certainly did NOT want to hypnotized and certainly did NOT want to lose my bloody wallet. I’m pretty sure there are other hypnotization techniques that can completely hypnotize an unwilling party. Like my maids, for example. They cried so hard after they got lucid. I also heard that people can hypnotize you as long as your foot and their foot are touching the same ground. As simple as that.
Anyway, I realized that my wallet was missing when I was already on the bus and was about to put back my brown travel ten back to its slot. I rummaged through that hole of nothingness of mine and couldn’t find my wallet! I cursed myself for wearing this bag. It was so hard to find stuff there. Panicking, I took out everything from my bag, dumped them on Nora’s lap and tried turning it inside out. It’s..not..there.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” I wailed. I called the Commonwealth Bank straightaway to have them cancel my atm card. Got really pissed by the lady operator for mispelling my name over and over again.
So, that’s all I have. I felt quite good after this venting and ranting session. I’m still not sure whether that round eyed lady took it, but if she didn’t and I did stupidly dropped it or some guy bumped into me and took it (ah! another possibility), I apologize sincerely to Mrs. Round Eye (what cute eyes you have, I’m sorry for blaming you).
But if she did took my wallet well… gimme back my wallet you round eyed hag.
Okay… I’m over this.